When God says.... NOT YET.
Have you ever been waiting on something to happen or a prayer to be answered and God Says “not yet”? My guess is yes. Some of you are thinking right now about how that exact moment made you feel. The pain. The anger. The frustration. The wrestling.
November 3rd was Reid’s last court date. This was where the biological parents’ rights were officially terminated and the judge approved moving forward with adoption. We were told adoption would be this week. Last week when our lawyer requested legal documents to request our adoption date she realized his name was incorrect on all the documents. His last name was listed as the bio mom and not the bio dad, which is what is on his birth certificate. Unfortunately at no point in the 8 months he’s been in CPS custody did anyone notice this. We hoped this would be simply resolved with a piece of paper. Sadly it’s not. The assistant district attorney has said this is not sufficient and we have to essentially start the process all over again. Sigh. Cue the tears. That means probably another 4-6 months before we can legally adopt him.
As you can imagine our initial reactions were not good. I really wanted to punch someone in the face. But that’s not very nice and it’s certainly not going to help our situation. When I heard this news my mind was flooded with thoughts of how this changes everything. The worst being – What if the parents have changed their minds? How could we ever lose our son? I came home and saw Reid and just cried. He knows I am his “momma”. He calls me by that name. He smiles and joy radiates from his face when he sees me. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t come from my flesh. He is my son. I love him just as much as the two children I have that did. That’s the beauty of adoption. It is a picture of how God loves us. He adopts us into his family and loves us as much as he loves his own son.
Although the chances of us losing him are minimal, it’s still a reality for us or anyone that has a foster child. I can’t even go there. We got into this knowing we wanted to adopt Reid and that he would be ours in the long run. But there are people every day that take children in knowing they are there for a season. My word that’s just a whole other level of submission to the Lord and trusting his plan. We are so blessed to know several families, including our own, that do this every day. A few months ago our sweet foster niece went back home to her parents. The pain for our family was almost unbearable. We were so broken as well but that was nothing compared to their pain and sacrifice. Then my sweet sister (in law) sent me this video last week. Cue the ugly cry. Wow. The heart behind every foster family. This is what it’s about. And this is certainly not how it goes the majority of the time. But for this particular foster family, just to know they played a huge part in furthering the kingdom of God for this family. Ugh, ugly tears.
The Lord has placed some amazing people in my path in the last few years (because of ovarian cancer) that I was able to consult with last night for some wisdom. After a good night’s sleep and some processing the emotional lability has settled out. The Lord is gracious and allows us time to sort through these feelings, yet He continues to give us reminders of his faithfulness and his never-ending LOVE for us. Here are a few truths the Lord has reminded me of in the last 24 hours.
"For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." Psalm 100:5
At church this weekend, we sang a song that I love and hadn’t heard is some time. “King of My Heart”. I had been listening to it this morning. Praising God for His goodness. I was about to post the song on Reid’s Facebook group when I got a text from my Jesus-loving friend Michelle. Her first text came through and said “For you today”. Then the second text came through. It was a you-tube video of this very song I had been listening to this morning. Wow. Only God.
I immediately called her and just cried. Thanking her. She told me she had listened to it and felt the Lord telling her to share it with me. So she did. Is that not amazing? Thank you Lord for the gentle reminders that you are GOOD. And you are still on your throne. Despite your “not yet”, you still love us. You are still good. Your ways are not mine. Yet, you are still working and fighting for Reid and our family in ways we can’t see or understand. Our temporary pain will be worth it for the good of furthering your kingdom.
"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8
All of this is just a good reminder that we can’t put our complete trust in any human. We all fail. We are not perfect and we screw things up. So yes, while the system has completely failed Reid with our case, we have to remember that it’s the Lord who is over it all. He is fighting for us just like he did back in March when the system told us no more than once and that we couldn’t take him home. Yet, in the end the Lord won. Victory is ours in Jesus because of what he has done on the cross. My sweet brother (in-law) texted this morning…. “He is at work. He cleaned up the messes of man at the cross and is working in all of this. We have to remember, his ways and thoughts are not ours.” Complete truth. I still want to punch someone in the face. The cross covers that sin in my heart too.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3
I do not know why the Lord has delayed this journey for us. Why this trial? We may never know. But as James tells us, count it ALL as joy. This trial will produce steadfastness. What does that even mean? Steadfast is defined as loyal, faithful, committed, dependable, reliable, constant, unwavering. This is just another season of our life where the Lord is allowing this difficulty to grow us in our faith. To produce a steadfast faith in HIM alone. Not in man. To teach us to have JOY in all things. To remind us that our JOY is not found in man, in circumstances or in anything of this life BUT Him! Thank you Jesus for these reminders.
Jesus, you are worth it. Through all of this may we keep our eyes on you. We can’t ever look down to ourselves because then we will drop all the balls. But it’s when we stay focused and have full eyes on you that we will find peace.
Jesus you are worth it. We will continue to wait for you. Come soon. But until then, Jesus, it’s all for you. May you alone be glorified in this journey. And for now we will praise You alone. You are good, good!